


This Much is True

by Phoebe_Snow



Series: Perfection Never Looked So Good [50]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Coda, F/M, Feels, I'm Sorry, Imagine your OTP, Letter, Loss, Love, Marvel Universe, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad Ending, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve and Nat deserve better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22675789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebe_Snow/pseuds/Phoebe_Snow
Summary: Steve reads a letter Natasha wrote to him before she sacrificed herself on Vormir.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Series: Perfection Never Looked So Good [50]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/811944
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	This Much is True

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this ficlet last year, but had forgotten about it until recently. I considered trashing it, but I felt like I should publish at least one story that acknowledges Natasha's death without fixing it. This doesn’t mean I accept it as canon - because I definitely _do not_ \- but this story has a lot of emotion and I don’t think I have a right to withhold it from this beloved fandom. If you cry easily, I’d recommend a box of tissues.

* * *

  
Since the Decimation had been undone, the population in every area, particularly the cities, had doubled and the streets weren’t so quiet anymore. People were reeling from the appearance of their loved ones and Steve envied them.

He was glad the Avengers defeated Thanos and his army. That was something everyone was grateful for, even the American government - although they still had a grudge against Steve and the other ex-Avengers who went into hiding after refusing to sign the accords. 

The one thing that dampened his spirits and made the victory against Thanos hollow was the fact that Natasha was dead. Nothing hurt worse than coming back to the Avengers complex and seeing the torn expression on Clint's face. 

Professor Hulk asked, "Clint, where’s Nat?" Steve didn’t have to ask that question to find out. He felt a strange pain in his heart when he sneaked into the New Jersey SHIELD military base in the seventies. For the moment, he assumed it was because he’d seen Peggy again, but no. He loved the woman long ago, but she wasn’t part of his life now. When he showed up on the platform and saw that Natasha wasn’t there, he understood.

His wife sacrificed herself to get the soul stone. Of course. With a name like that, why wouldn’t a soul be required to obtain it? Fate had a twisted way of handing them the worst cards. He hasn’t said anything as Clint told the Avengers what happened. He’d been too heartbroken to speak. 

"Do we know if she had family?" Tony had asked.

"Yeah. Us," was all Steve said, but he spoke more of himself than the Avengers. 

He knew Natasha was close to the team, some more than others, but she had been his  _wife_ . His was the last face she saw when she went to bed at night and the first she saw when she woke in the morning. She was half of his heart, his soulmate, his helpmate, his best friend, and now, she was gone.

If it hadn’t been for Natasha's voice inside Steve's head during the battle against Thanos telling him to keep fighting, he was sure he wouldn’t have survived. He had to push his pain into the back of his mind and focus on what was in front of him. The best way to honor Natasha's memory was to press on and never give up the fight. She deserved not to have her sacrifice be in vain. And it wasn’t. 

Steve walked into his apartment, closed the door and locked it. Once he hung up his jacket, he went to the couch and sat there, fingers clutching the letter Clint had given him after Tony's funeral. The man told him Natasha had written a letter for Steve before she sacrificed herself. 

He didn’t know how she figured out that she wouldn’t be coming back from Vormir. Maybe she had never forgotten what Nebula said about Thanos murdering Gamora on the planet. The woman had been tight-lipped about anything else regarding the situation, but Natasha was an expert at reading people.

It could be that she suspected she wouldn’t get out of their time heist alive. It made Steve think about her behavior before they left. She said "See you in a minute" to him and it was evident that the prospect of saving their friends and family on such an amazing adventure excited her. Nothing in her manner said that she was skeptical of her chance for survival.

Then again, Natasha knew how to hide her emotions from people and even though she and Steve had been married for nearly five years, she was good at keeping her guard up if she wanted to spare him pain.

Steve's fingers shook as he unfolded the letter. Recognizing his wife's handwriting, tears flooded his eyes and a few dropped onto the paper before he could move it away. This was the last thing he owned that her precious hands touched. With a heavy heart, he wiped at his eyes and began to read.

_Steve, if you're reading this now, please don't blame yourself or give in to grief. I wanted this. I chose this. I didn't want to leave the Avengers or you, but I had a choice to make. I decided that for maybe the first time in my life, I'd save my loved ones and take charge of my destiny._

_Remember the talk we had years ago in Sam's guest room? When you said you trusted me, you shone a bright light of hope into my heart. In your eyes, I was a person of worth and your trust meant so much._

_The more I let you get close to me, the more I realized that I loved you. Even when we didn't see eye to eye on those idiotic accords, I let you escape because I didn't have the will to stop you from leaving. To me, that would have been like trying to capture the wind._

_Memories come across my mind in clarity. I see all of our best moments together, although none could possibly beat the day we got married. There were barely any guests in attendance besides our few friends, but our wedding had been the happiest day of my life._

_I don't regret one second of our relationship. You opened a door to my heart that no one could pry. You encouraged me, comforted me, made me believe that I could be a better person and you never judged me for my past._

_I promise you that I left this life knowing that I am more than what I was taught. My ledger no longer gushes red. I've been redeemed from the blood, sweat, tears and heartache of my past. I am free now, freer than I've ever been, and I couldn’t have reached that point without you._

_I'll miss you, my darling, and I know you'll miss me. Our time together has been unforgettable and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I may not be here in body, but I'm always here in spirit. As long as you treasure my memory, I will always have a place in your heart._

_Forever yours, Natasha._

With a shuddering breath, Steve gripped the paper in both hands and held his knuckles up to his face. His face had been damp the entire time he read the letter, but he’d kept the tears at bay so his vision wouldn’t be blurry. Now they came freely, staining his cheeks.

This letter was Natasha's goodbye. She  ** did ** know she wouldn’t make it out. The Avengers' fight against Thanos and the undoing of the Decimation had been achieved. It was something worthy of rejoicing, but Steve couldn’t bring himself to do it. His heart was broken.

He knew deep down that the future would get better, that someday he would be able to think of Natasha and not feel like weeping. Right now, his world was gray and the only thing he could do was lie down on the couch and allow sleep to take him under its spell.


End file.
